Hi, I have been married to my husband for 33 years, he is now secondary progressive M.S, wheelchair dependant with the use of his left hand only. I work full time in a demanding and very responsible job. He is catheterised and is constantly getting urine infections. This renders him totally incapacitated. He is bed bound with only the ability to move his head. Carers come (when he is well) to get him up and put him to bed. he also has P.A,s who come in for a few hours in the day to feed him lunch and make hi a drink. He can not feed himself anymore. I am the night carer, which involves numerous interruptions to my sleep to give him drinks sort out his catheter and move his limbs.
I am not sure how long I can carry on like this. I have to take annual leave from work (which is not easy) to care of him when he is 24 hour nursing care, which means that my rest time is used up nursing him. I am totally fed up. I feel so ashamed because at times I wish that he would just die so that the years of having to care for him would end. I know that his life is miserable but he does not seem to consider that mine is miserable also. He never tells me that he appreciate what I do for him. If things were reversed I know that he would not be able to do what i do, moreover I would not have let him. He seems to think that it is my job to work full time, clean, cook, feed him, garden, nurse him, get up in the night. I give myself two weeks in a year to get away walking with my dog, he resents my time away and i never tell him I am going until I have sorted his care and it is nearly time to go because he will sulk and I can feel his resentment.
I know that I sound selfish, I try not to be and also try to stand by my vow, ’ In sickness and in health’ but no one mentioned that the sickness could last years and years. It is frustrating that there is no prognosis. I feel it would be better had he had some sort of cancer, then I could be told ‘your husband has 6 months or a year to live’ I would be nicer and not so selfish if there was an end point.
Sorry for the rant, I do love him although it is not the love a wife usually has for a husband. I am not sure if there are any solutions to my problems but if anyone has any practical advice I would be very gratefully. Thank you.