Hubbies long lost daughter

My husbands daughter from his first marriage has made contact through a facebook page we set up specifically for that reason.

He hasn’t had contact with her for 18 years, he was awarde joint parental rights, but was never able to see her when he went at the arranged times, and went back to court for over 5 years trying to get access, unsuccessfully. Eventually he gave up, he couldn’t afford to keep going, but continued sending xmas and birthday cards and letters, and paying maintenace through the csa, directly from his paypacket. The mum changed the daughters name and moved house and county without informing him, and the daughter never received anything he sent.

His joy at being traced has been short lived, as she has been brought up to believe that she was abandoned, and that he never paid a penny! We also had a horrid message from his ex, saying exactly that, and threatening him not to contact her. We worked out he’s paid more than £40,000.

Does anyone know if he can prove this? Will the csa give him statement, his old employers, even the tax office? Can she access court records to see how many times he went to court trying to enforce access?

I’ve rung the CSA helpline but they won’t give me even a theoretical answer, they need to talk to him. Fine, he’s at work, a lorry driver, so it will have to be this evening, but I’d love to be able to have some answers for him when he comes home. Last night was awfull for him, and I’m devestated for him.

Can anyone help?

Thanks x

Hello hunny. This is a very sad story. I can’t personally help but surely a solicitor would be a good idea. Good luck with it all. Please let us know the outcome won’t you. xxx

Did your husband use a solicitor. If your husband does not have copies of court orders made then the solicitors may have copies on file. The Court should also be able to locate the file and give copies although presumably there would be a charge for them. Usually a Court Welfare officer will be involved in making recommendations for contact etc where details are not agreed so again the paperwork should show how committed your husband was. It is a sorry state of affairs but hopefully your husband’s daughter will, with time, be able to make up her own mind when the facts are laid before her. Sorry I cannot be of more help but do wish you both the best of luck. Keep us posted.

Thanks Blossom and Dinks

It is SO sad, honestly, heartbreaking. For him, and her. In order to believe him she has to disbelieve her mum, and all that she’s been brought up to believe.

He managed to ring the CSA at lunchtime and they will (for a small charge!) provide him with evidence of payments, so that’s something. He never missed a payment.

He did use a solicitor. We got rid of most of his old paperwork when we moved, but I guess they may have copies or access to them anyway.

Thanks again xx

So sorry to hear this sad news.

At least your husband’s daughter has got in touch so that is a good sign.

Just wondered. Wouldn’t your husband have copies of payslips that say he paid CSA?

We were in a similar situation with my husbands 2 daughters from a previous marriage. Hubby told them how much CSA he was paying, which amounted to £90,000 over the years as they took a third of his salary. His daughters had no idea that he contributed this amount and hs ex wasn’t very happy when he told them but it made their bond much stronger.

Good luck and I hope you get this sorted.


I presume he went to a county court to gain access. If so you can obtain copies of court orders, for a small fee, from them. Good luck Gina

I’m not surprised the ex doesn’t want the daughter contacting her father because the ex has been lying throught her teeth about your husband. You need to send photocopies of the documents from the CSA proving that your husband made payments together with a letter detailing the efforts your husband made to keep in contact to your daughter. Also try to see what you can get from the old solicitor (records may be destroyed after so long) When the daughter sees the evidence from the CSA proving she’s been lied to she’ll believe you about everything else. I guess the daughter will then be in a very difficult position because her mother will be putting her under pressure not to contact you. Good luck!