Today was the day of my Head MRI, and although I’ve had one on my lumbar spine before, I was loads more scared about this one. I actually trembled the whole time it was being done. I’m claustrophobic, but not sure it was that. Think it was the moment that the possibility of MS became real. My brain images are there to be seen now, all in their hands now! Yet I’ve been investigated for so many things before and almost always told my results are normal, so I’m still very much convinced that will be the case. Although I keep thinking they might find I don’t actually have a brain (I often think it’s upped and left me)!!
And I also got my letter today confirming my EMG appointment, and it told me what it involves… wish I hadn’t read that bit! Can an EMG show anything that may aid an MS diagnosis or is it more for other nerve problems?
Going through a bit of a rough time at the moment with my symptoms, mainly my fatigue has returned with a bang and I slept for about half of the last weekend (about 32 hours from Friday evening to getting up Monday morning), the rest of the time I was lying in bed, reading when I could but not doing much else. Had lots of twitches in my legs and stabby pains too. My eyes have been aching too, may be eye strain which I don’t get as a rule, so under these circumstances your mind wanders to other stuff (especially if you’re a worrier like I can be). The worst thing I’m finding at present is dizzy spells, which are a new symptom, and I’m definitely eating plenty (wondering why I’m not getting fat because eating loads and not doing much to burn it off!). Most mornings I’m finding I’m getting slightly breathless in the shower and then feel things beginning to spin. Only once did I see blackness, and stopped myself fainting just in time. I am just about still working full time but the rest of my life has evaporated, I get home and go to bed (sometimes to sleep and sometimes on my laptop) because my body and mind are exhausted. My head is constantly cotton wool, and I’m making (small) mistakes, just dopey things like giving slightly wrong details in e-mails and forgetting what I’m trying to say mid-sentence.
Carrying on that theme, I’ve seen a great job that is near where I live and my Mum’s been nagging me about whether I’ve applied for it for weeks (the closing date is 12th Oct), so a couple of evenings ago, after my phone call to my Mum I just thought I’d start the application in a knackered stupor. Only did the basic details, checked over my employment history and qualifications, and did the diversity monitoring etc and ‘saved’ them to do the actual application bit on a ‘thinking clearly’ day. Then realised I’d submitted my actual application for the job without the bit that told them how I’d be the right person for the job Trying to contact HR but their hours don’t fit with my working hours… Sick of doing silly things with job applications/interviews and telling myself it’s just ‘not meant to be’.
Meh, just having worries about this situation I’m in, scared of getting any kind of diagnosis but also quite scared of not getting any answers too. And I’m sure I won’t get any answers, cos that’s how I roll