Hi Everyone, watching Celebrity chef & I’m gutted.Having a moment, I was once a really good chef (trained) & I’m so upset I’ll never be doing that again. It’s struck me like a bolt, all of a sudden & I’m gutted. I was good at what I did, & MS took it away, not usually so negative but sometimes it smacks you one. I could cry at mo, the whites I wore, everything, sorry to sound so p**d off, but I am, feel cheated sometimes, humour deludes me, I’ll bounce back, not as bad as some, I know, but right now I,m in self pity, be ok tomorrow, sorry to everyone in worse position, just realised what “IT’S” taken away, miserable bitch, sorry to ruin a friday night, just long 4 that “friday feeling” Be ok tomorrow, sleep on it Tracey x
We all have moments like that, it happened to me a couple of weeks ago. I was in the loft getting a case for my holiday, I opened one case to see what I had stored in it and found all my ski clothes I don’t mind admitting I cried a quite a few tears.
Dont be hard on yourself it sometimes feels like a bereavement so allow yourself to mourn for what once was.
Hey, stop apologising! You’ve got nothing to say sorry for - it hurts having MS, to have things taken away from us. Everything you’re feeling is valid. If you never felt gutted or angry or sad about it, I’d probably think you’re either a saint or are suppressing your feelings : )
Personally, I think it’s healthy to have a kick & a scream when you need to, to get it out. For me, if I didn’t do that & tried to deny what I was feeling or suppressing it, it would churn around inside of me. I need to get it out in order for me to move on & find my peace again, & embrace what I can do now.
Yep, my Mum said I needed to take the time to grieve over what I’d lost… MS feels like the gift that keeps giving! I started to ebay some of my heels and some fitness stuff… then there’s the clothes I can’t wear without heels… oh, and some more heels… then clubbing clothes that are too small as no longer a skinny-minnie… then there’s the evening dresses and some designer stuff. We now need to downsize too as I can’t do stairs anymore, so our dining room has a clothes rail, stacks of shoe boxes and I’ve still not been thru all my cupboards yet sigh
I try to keep my sanity by imagining how different things would be if I hadn’t become a fitness instructor - I even blogged that I think pole-dancing saved my life
I completely understand how you felt when you wrote that but it also made me giggle, my husband has banned me from the kitchen after he last witnessed my knife action, possibly because not dissimilar to my razor action, the bathmat had to go straight in the machne or the blood would never have washed out, I had managed to cut the back of my ankle so went round in circles a few times before I realised what was going on!
When faced with the cold, hard evidence of that kind of loss, what is a person supposed to feel? I think ‘gutted’ sounds about right. It’s the losses that cut into the heart of a person’s identity and that mean that years of hopes and dreams and hard work have turned to dust that really hurt. It is a total pisser, and why should it feel like anything else?
As others have said, I think it is important to look the beast in the eye and call it for what it is. Then the work of rebuilding - rebuilding something - can begin. It is so tough, all this.
I really feel for you.
As Alison and all have said don’t apologies we know what it is like , but don’t let the B@@@@ win
PS there was a doctor , on BBC saying it is good to swear and it can be more beneficial to do so rather than drugs which i cant take , so when hubby complained that i now swear too much said it was part of my therapy
You lovely, lovely people! Was in the pits of despair last night, don’t usually get that bad, just miss the whole part of working, feel uncomfortable sometimes when all my mates are talking about their day & I’m sitting at home, life’s better today, & thank you all so much for all your nice posts Tracey x
Aw, you guys I have so many things I want to add to this, but brain’s just going NOPE, so I’ll just say glad these lovely people have succeeded in making you feel better, Tracey
Hi. I felt my eyes filling with tears when I read this. I’ve felt grumpy and sad all week, especially the last 24 hours, as I long for it to be last summer when I was unaware of this whole MS thing, before the relapse and the dx. I keep comparing the difference between then and now; between having a dx and a whole load of not terrible but really annoying symptoms and - well, complete ignorance. I just keep feeling so angry and feel like Harry Enfield’s Kevin the Teenager and wanting to slam doors and shout ‘it’s not fair’. Anyway, I managed to tell my husband how I felt this morning, as I really snapped at him yesterday.
I like Trish’s comment on swearing. I think I’m turning into a big-time swearer in my head when I think about the MS! I’m not one to use what I think of as the worse swear-words in conversations (no problem with the ones which aren’t so bad!) but I now think of the very worst ones to associate with MS!
How long (generalising) did it take all of you to come to terms with the dx? I keep thinking I’m OK with it, then I realise that I’m not really, but furious. And I’ve been dx’d for six months… It’s great when everyone shares as it makes me feel better and not so alone with the dx.
Oh dear Tracey. Don’t apologise. What you are feeling is completely natural. We all get times where we miss what we used to be.
I’m feeling a bit like jellysundae today. Humidity is killing me.
Been away for a few days down by the sea and humidity was very low and my symptoms were a lot less than they are now that we are home.
You take care and I promise you are no alone.
Lou, I’m not convinced that I have come to terms with it. I was dx in August '13 and I’ve never done any shouting/swearing/crying, but then the MS itself has really impacted on my ability to react, at least, on the surface…but stuff goes on underneath, I’m pretty sure of that. But sometimes I find myself thinking things like, “this isn’t really happening, is it?!” So yeah, I don’t think I’ve really come to terms with it.
Shazzie, maybe you can get a government grant and relocate to the coast! No harm in daydreams, right?
I feel just the same about not being able to do the job i loved as a chef did it for over 30 years and loved nearly every day i was working, i think its the banter and the men that think they are fantastic and enjoy shouting about it that i miss as much as the routine of getting up and having a purpose to your day. Moan away because i have just had the same thoughts as you today and a good shout and cry has helped for now. Take care Katy
Hi everybody, just read through your lovely posts… yes, all these losses and how can we deal with it??? I don’t have an answer other than joining in. An artist/painter all my life I have lived for my work until ON deprived me of my vision in the left eye in January 2014. All my notebooks filled with sketches for big works - when I retire - and now realising they will never happen :-(((. Still - do whatever you can do! - anything is better than give up!!!
I think one of the hardest things about MS is that it takes and then it takes some more. I have mourned losing the ability to cook (just domestic cooking - I was no pro). Now I have cried because I can’t cycle anymore. Life is loss.
Hello all. Apologies as I realised that I posted about coming to terms with MS back in February, and here I am, asking again! This was the thread. I completely forgot about it.
The annoying thing is that when I read back over the thread and the helpful answers - as well as the ones on here- I feel that I haven’t really moved on in terms of accepting the dx. I expect it takes longer than six months…Perhaps it’s all about managing your expectations of life in a different way now…
It’s been a bit longer than that for me - 2.5 years since my dx -however, I was first diagnosed with stroke (Jan 13) after a dizzy spell, and then they changed their minds in May 13 and the dx went to RRMS. Other people are most of the problem - they don’t understand that I can no longer do what I used to do, without thinking about it. The worst thing was accepting that I’m not in a position to ride a motorbike any more… balance is shot. Still have my licence, but I don’t trust myself to ride a solo any more, although I’d still think about a trike. Physically I am not so bad; but the anger hasn’t abated one bit. My eternal grumble is "What is this *“£$% disease going to want to take from me next?” However, when the choice is ‘give in and go under’ or ‘fight it’… no real choice, there. I’m going to put up as much of a fight as I can. Not kidding you it’s easy, though…
Good morning to all you really smashing people, reading the posts have made me realise how we are all in this horrible, horrible place at times, it’s so comforting to know how much support there is here. As I’m writing this I could cry, I’m not as poorly as some, I know, doesn’t help sometimes though when we realise how much its taken away, can’t emphasize how priceless all your input has been, at least we can “bounce” off each other, thank you so much, just nice to know someone is there, love to all Tracey xp
The day I took my pole down I cried - The day I sold my pole - people at work thought someone I knew had died I was so upset. It was the finality of it that got me, the line drawn under that phase of my life by someone (or something) else and not of my choice.
I choose now to remember the lighter side of that day, how the cats decided it was my husband’s fault I was upset and wouldn’t let him near me!
My Beautiful girlfriend of 7 years has just been given the diagnoses of the ms. we are only 23 so we have been together since we were 14/15. I am really struggling but obviously not letting her know how i feel. I currently am struggling working due to feeling depressed i have always though i had an underlying drink problem that has not 100% come out, behind the scenes of my gf as i don’t want her to worry. I don’t know why i am so worries as ms now days really isn’t bad!! How do you deal with is or am i just being selfish?
It might seem like that if you haven’t got it.
MS is variable, I’ve got a chronic, incurable progressive condition but then everybody is affected differently.
I hope for your girl friend’s sake, her version is preferable.