# Empty your mouth before reading this...........Unless you like seeing dinner come out of your nose

**URL:** <https://forum.mssociety.org.uk/t/empty-your-mouth-before-reading-this-unless-you-like-seeing-dinner-come-out-of-your-nose/29629>\
**Category:** Everyday living\
**Created:** [22 February 2014 22:57 UTC](https://forum.mssociety.org.uk/t/empty-your-mouth-before-reading-this-unless-you-like-seeing-dinner-come-out-of-your-nose/29629 "2014-02-22T22:57:17Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 7\
**Page:** 1

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**Author:** ![Inactive\_User](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3e96dc/32.png) [@Inactive\_User](https://forum.mssociety.org.uk/u/Inactive_User)\
**Post date:** [22 February 2014 22:57 UTC](https://forum.mssociety.org.uk/t/empty-your-mouth-before-reading-this-unless-you-like-seeing-dinner-come-out-of-your-nose/29629/1 "2014-02-22T22:57:17Z")

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> > An elderly gentleman…  
> > Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the  
> > doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing  
> > aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100% The elderly gentleman went  
> > back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, “Your hearing is  
> > perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.”  
> > The gentleman replied, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet.  
> > I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will  
> > three times!”
> > 
> > Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench  
> > under a tree when one turns to the other and says: “Slim, I’m 83 years  
> > old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my  
> > age. How do you feel?”  
> > Slim says, “I feel just like a newborn baby.”  
> > “Really!? Like a newborn baby!?”  
> > “Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.”
> > 
> > An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after  
> > eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.  
> > The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, “Last night we went out to  
> > a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very  
> > highly.”  
> > The other man said, “What is the name of the restaurant?”  
> > The first man thought and thought and finally said, “What is the name of  
> > that flower you give to someone you love?  
> > You know… The one that’s red and has thorns.”  
> > “Do you mean a rose?”  
> > “Yes, that’s the one,” replied the man. He then turned towards the  
> > kitchen and yelled, “Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to  
> > last night?”
> > 
> > Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being  
> > discharged.  
> > However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman  
> > already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who  
> > insisted he! Didn’t need my help to leave the hospital.  
> > After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to  
> > the elevator.  
> > On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.  
> > “I don’t know,” he said. “She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing  
> > out of her hospital gown.”
> > 
> > Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things.  
> > During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they’re physically okay,  
> > but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.  
> > Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.  
> > “Want anything while I’m in the kitchen?” he asks.  
> > “Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?”  
> > “Sure.”  
> > “Don’t you think you should write it down so you can remember it?” she  
> > asks.  
> > “No, I can remember it.”  
> > “Well, I’d like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it  
> > down, so’s not to forget it?”  
> > He says, “I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with  
> > strawberries.”  
> > “I’d also like whipped cream. I’m certain you’ll forget that, write it  
> > down?” she asks.  
> > Irritated, he says, “I don’t need to write it down, I can remember it!  
> > Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness  
> > sake!”  
> > Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man  
> > returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.  
> > She stares at the plate for a moment.  
> > “Where’s my toast ?”
> > 
> > A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:  
> > “So I hear you’re getting married?”  
> > “Yep!”  
> > “Do I know her?”  
> > “Nope!”  
> > “This woman, is she good looking?”  
> > “Not really.”  
> > “Is she a good cook?”  
> > “Naw, she can’t cook too well.”  
> > “Does she have lots of money?”  
> > “Nope! Poor as a church mouse.”  
> > “Well, then, is she good in bed?”  
> > “I don’t know.”  
> > “Why in the world do you want to marry her then?”  
> > “Because she can still drive!”
> > 
> > Three old guys are out walking.  
> > First one says, “Windy, isn’t it?”  
> > Second one says, “No, it’s Thursday!”  
> > Third one says, “So am I. Let’s go get a beer.”
> > 
> > A man was telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It  
> > cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.”  
> > “Really,” answered the neighbor . “What kind is it?”  
> > “Twelve thirty.”
> > 
> > Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.  
> > A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a  
> > gorgeous young woman on his arm.  
> > A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, “You’re  
> > really doing great, aren’t you?”  
> > Morris replied, “Just doing what you said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be  
> > cheerful.’”  
> > The doctor said, “I didn’t say that. I said, 'You’ve got a heart murmur;  
> > be careful.”
> > 
> > One more. !
> > 
> > A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled  
> > himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool… After catching his breath,  
> > he ordered a banana split.  
> > The waitress asked kindly, “Crushed nuts?”  
> > “No,” he replied, “Arthritis.”
> > 
> > Like those? Now, before you ‘forget’, send them on to some other folks  
> > you know who could use a good laugh !

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**Author:** ![Inactive\_User](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3e96dc/32.png) [@Inactive\_User](https://forum.mssociety.org.uk/u/Inactive_User)\
**Post date:** [23 February 2014 14:27 UTC](https://forum.mssociety.org.uk/t/empty-your-mouth-before-reading-this-unless-you-like-seeing-dinner-come-out-of-your-nose/29629/2 "2014-02-23T14:27:57Z")

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thanks Wb - I’m stuck in work again so I needed this

JBK x

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**Author:** ![Inactive\_User](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3e96dc/32.png) [@Inactive\_User](https://forum.mssociety.org.uk/u/Inactive_User)\
**Post date:** [23 February 2014 17:59 UTC](https://forum.mssociety.org.uk/t/empty-your-mouth-before-reading-this-unless-you-like-seeing-dinner-come-out-of-your-nose/29629/3 "2014-02-23T17:59:43Z")

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Very funny wb 🙂

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**Author:** ![Shazzie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Shazzie](https://forum.mssociety.org.uk/u/Shazzie)\
**Post date:** [23 February 2014 18:07 UTC](https://forum.mssociety.org.uk/t/empty-your-mouth-before-reading-this-unless-you-like-seeing-dinner-come-out-of-your-nose/29629/4 "2014-02-23T18:07:21Z")

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That was a good read Wb. Chuckle chuckle chuckle.

Shazzie x

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**Author:** ![Inactive\_User](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3e96dc/32.png) [@Inactive\_User](https://forum.mssociety.org.uk/u/Inactive_User)\
**Post date:** [23 February 2014 18:11 UTC](https://forum.mssociety.org.uk/t/empty-your-mouth-before-reading-this-unless-you-like-seeing-dinner-come-out-of-your-nose/29629/5 "2014-02-23T18:11:31Z")

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very funny!

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**Author:** ![Inactive\_User](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3e96dc/32.png) [@Inactive\_User](https://forum.mssociety.org.uk/u/Inactive_User)\
**Post date:** [23 February 2014 19:52 UTC](https://forum.mssociety.org.uk/t/empty-your-mouth-before-reading-this-unless-you-like-seeing-dinner-come-out-of-your-nose/29629/6 "2014-02-23T19:52:49Z")

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Ha ha, and I had already sent one of them on before I got to the end and your permission to do so …

Tracey x

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**Author:** ![Inactive\_User](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3e96dc/32.png) [@Inactive\_User](https://forum.mssociety.org.uk/u/Inactive_User)\
**Post date:** [23 February 2014 20:05 UTC](https://forum.mssociety.org.uk/t/empty-your-mouth-before-reading-this-unless-you-like-seeing-dinner-come-out-of-your-nose/29629/7 "2014-02-23T20:05:42Z")

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awesome WB glad i put me coffee down 1st