I can’t use my name but I do need some advice please. I have a problem that I would really appreciate some help and opinions. I’ve recently been involved in an altercation with a gentleman (I use the term losely) I can’t use my name but I do need some advice please. I have a problem that I would really appreciate some help and opinions. I’ve recently been involved in an altercation with a gentleman (I use the term losely) who has hit me with his walking stick in a case of road rage. I’ve been informed by the police that he has MS. When I was having my bruises photographed as evidence today I asked what would happen now. I was told that he would be brought to the station and charged with assault and then I would be contacted and asked how I wanted to proceed even though ultimately the decision to prosecute will be taken by the CPS. Now I’m fully aware of how much MS can effect emotions and I’m even more aware of my own at the moment. Half of me is needing some sort of justice and the other is empathising with his total lack of anger control. His wife looked absolutely terrified and horrified when she got out of the car (he was her passenger) and started to physically assault me. I didn’t even have time to get my walking stick out of my car and actually I’m quite glad as I don’t know if it would have inflamed him further. I’m worried about his emotional state and his wife’s, I don’t wish anybody the strain of ending up arrested but I also want him to understand that assaulting a complete stranger is not on. Do I take his MS into account? Do I make allowances for it? He doesn’t know me from Eve, he certainly has no idea I also have this crappy condition. Would I want it used as an excuse for my bad behaviour? no, do I empathise with his condition? most certainly yes. Thoughts please. (aplogies in advance for the fact that it won’t let me format paragraphs and for anbody to whom this looks like one long sentance!)
could you not have a word with the police and explain your feelings?
he’s lucky that he whacked someone with a bit of understanding of ms.
I’m sorry, but having MS is not an excuse for behaving like a total f*ckwit!!
A person is either able to behave reasonably towards others, or - sadly - they can’t. Those that can’t need to be shown that their behaviour is unacceptable - whether that’s by education, example or some kind of punishment.
Why should others make allowance for this carry-on? They SHOULDN’T HAVE TO
Tell me, did you attack them? No!
Did they check your health status? No!
God forbid their behaviour could have caused serious injury. Perhaps they shoul keep that in mind?
Purely my own opinion!
I agree with Dom…not that my career would influence me !! But people are responsible for their own behaviour, I’ll or not. It could have been worse and how far would you make allowances for illness and inflicting an injury… Let the CPS and ultimately a court decide. It is their job to look at aggravating and in this case, mitigating factors and take these into account when sentencing. Catherine Xx
I’m with Dom.
I don’t think MS is an excuse for assault, and I certainly wouldn’t want to encourage the perception that it is. There are enough misconceptions, without Joe Public believing our illness makes us dangerous.
Now IF he is prosecuted, surely it will be for the court to consider any mitigating circumstances, including whether his illness may have been a factor?
I’m sorry if this answer seems harsh, but the justice system will deal with whether he had a fair excuse - you, the victim, shouldn’t have to.
What if it’s NOT caused by his MS, and he’s done it before, and might do it again?
I’ve been told by a private source (I live barely 3 miles from them) that he’s always “been that way”, aggressive. We live in a small community, everybody knows somebody… Having been on the end of an aggressive, abusive relationship in the past, I don’t want to make things worse for his wife. My head knows he’s in the wrong, my heart aches for them both. Was relieved after spending hours in A+E that I didn’t have anything broken, but must admit to having trouble sleeping last night and it was not all to do with my bruises.
Well if that’s the case, even more reason for you to press the charge. He has to be stopped before he commits an even more serious offence.
What a scary encounter. Tricky one really. Without knowing whether this is an isolated incident it is difficult to assess. We cannot know what had happened in his life before this incident and whether whatever triggered it was the final straw for him and he reacted out of all proportion. suggest you leave it to the police. They will know whether he has ever been cautioned, prosecuted or has a totally clean record. He cannot however be allowed to behave like this - what happens next time? He may be the one ending up being assaulted if he choses to pick on the wrong type of person. Depends also if he shows any remorse for what he has done. If the CPS decide to take it further he will have every chance to put forward mitigating circumstances. You sound a very thoughtful caring person but you should not have been put in this position in the first place.
It sounds like you’ve had a bad enough time being attacked by someone, without now stressing yourself out because the person that attacked you has a condition which ‘may’ make them more prone to emotional outbursts.
Leave it to the police and CPS, if they choose to take it forward to court, yes you maybe called as a witness, where you just tell it like it happened. It’s much more likely that it won’t even get that far.
Hopefully this man will look at getting some help for his anger/emotional outbursts, whatever his reason or excuse for them. There are plenty of things that can be done to help, from councelling, therapy or medication.
Whatever happens, YOU were not responsible for this man hitting you and you are not responsible for his emotional state then, now or in the future.
I think if you press charges it may lead to him getting help for his anger. I certainly don’t think having MS justifies physically attacking anyone. I agree that it can mess with your emotions but we have all had to learn ways of dealing with this and we cannot all use this as an excuse to let rip either verbally or physically at the slightest little thing at any time.
As you say, the man had no idea about your MS when he attacked you and I think it was unfair of the police to tell you that he has MS. It should have no bearing on the fact that he physically assaulted you. It is for his solicitor to argue the mitigating circumstances if he is prosecuted. You are lucky that you have no more than bruises. If he is not brought to account for his actions and forced to seek help for his anger his next victim may not be so lucky. His wife may, in the long term, thank you for this. Imagine what it must be like living with someone like him?
no justification for attacking and assulting you -press charges - if the situation were reversed ? you would be done for it
my emotions are up and down but it wouldnt make want to attack anyone- were the police trying to make you feel sorry for him? take ms out of the situation, you are both ‘normals’ he attacks you-what would you do then?
Thank you all, of course you are right, if it weren’t for the MS I wouldn’t be hesitating to press charges. I do worry about his wife and the effect it would have on her but at the end of the day if the same thing happened to my daughters I’d be out for blood!
Who knows what the poor woman has to put up with already?
I am very sorry that this horrible thing has happened to you and that you have all this distressing aftermath to worry about.