Can anyone relate...?

<small>Have recently been awarded the higher rate of ESA. Whilst it should be seen as breathing space to enable me to get my physical and mental health sorted out without the pressure from DWP to look for work, yet bizarrely I wish they had put me in the ‘can do some kind of work’ category to give me the incentive to at least try; it has left me feeling like I’ve been written off. I think I must be in denial about the reality of my situation, I don't want to believe it and can't accept it. I'm blaming myself for not taking action sooner to head off this state of affairs; i.e. if I had pushed myself to go back to work even part time, perhaps I wouldn't be in such a bad place physically and mentally now. Don't know if that makes sense but it's how I feel.</small>

Hi eastendgirl, I’m not in same situation but I can relate. It is a good thing that u had this assessment and don’t need to be under pressure to find work when everything else is so difficult, but that doesn’t mean that things will always be the same, and when u r ready that u could mAybe take something new on. Ur job or project just now is to focus on u and hopefully find ways to cope with things better. Ur already doing it as uv made it thru ESA process, well done. Hope this helps a little bit and things improve. Froo

I absolutely push myself to go to work.

There days that I should never have gone but still have, and days when I should of come home but have stayed until it’s time to finish.

I do though tend to push myself right up to what I call my “crash point”, where no matter how much I try to get beyond that point there is no way I can beat the MS at that point.

Whether pushing myself that far is good or bad I don’t really know, but theres no way I’m going to sit back and leave this cr*p take over my life, well not without a fight anyway.