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Beginning to feel like the last straw

Okay, I’m not prone to rants or outpourings of emotion, but this really is beginning to feel like the last straw.

My other half refuses to believe that my MS symptoms are as bad as I’m making out and that I’m wallowing in self pity. I do tend to feel a little bit sorry for myself when I can’t walk because my legs stop working or lose the vision in one eye, but I honestly think that I try and get around it rather than let it define me.

Last night I was accused of being selfish because I hadn’t volunteered to help a relative move house. Everyone else was mucking in, why wasn’t I? Going upstairs is difficult for me at the best of times without carrying boxes or furniture. I thought it would be a given that this might be a little bit beyond my abilities.

I’ve been accused of ‘not getting on with it’ and thinking of no-one but myself since before I was diagnosed but I really have had enough now. It’s killing me because I’ve got 2 beautiful kids who I would miss like nothing else on earth but I can’t go on living with someone who refuses to accept that there’s anything wrong with me.

Frustrated, angry, upset, depressed. There. I’ve done it. Broken a promise to myself that I would not moan about my problems to strangers. Sad thing is I’ve got no-one else to tell. I don’t want to burden my parents or friends with this. My other half is the only one I could talk to but…see above. If anyone else has been through this, what did you do?

Sorry for the length of this moan. I’ve got it off my chest now. Thanks for reading.

JZ

Oh love! This is a sorry state of affairs for you.

Doesn`t your other half ever get ill ie a cold, a pimple, a pulled muscle, a sore back?

If they do, how do you react? ill bet youre sympathetic and caring.

You`ve had this condition long enough for them to have noticed and seen how badly you can be affected. have you got them any literature to learn just how it really affects folk?

If someone cant/wont acknowledge whats staring them in the face, then theres not much anyone else can say…except to give them a few home truths!

And as for helping in the house move, it would`ve been far too much for you, besides what if you had helped and ended up in a heap on the floor? They wouldnt have liked that, eh?

Time for some harsh talking and yes, perhaps even threats of separation.

Excuses can be made, like they are scared/worried about what to say to you. But after all this time, that doesnt wash.

Sad to say, maybe a parting of the ways is on the cards…or at least a break for them to digest how much their actions are hurting you.

Enough lecturing now from me…for the OH, not you hun.

luv Pollx

Im not prone to rants or outpooring of emotion either but it comes to the best of us. See my post ‘a mothers guilt’ today. Your partner seems in denial about your ms or is being selfish. A really good talk is needed. You need to be more open about how your ms is affecting you and why you find certain things difficult. Perhaps its time to stop pushing yourself so hard and let your feelings be known. Could you read some of the ms publications together without the distraction of the kids (when they in bed) and explain how your ms relates to some of these problems. She needes a better understanding of ms as is being very unfair on you. Teresa.x

I’m so sorry your feeling like this but I can totally relate to it. My ex husband was exactly the same so I was still mum, wife, cook, cleaner, decorator, gardner, etc etc the list is endless until one day I just said enough is enough I cant carry on like this I’m going to end up dead before I’m 50. My now ex can see what he did was just push me further & further away by him not understanding or helping. I mean there’s only so long one can row in the same direction on there own. You need to tell him how you feel and what affect MS has on you otherwise you’ll be writing about him as an ex too before long. There really is only so much we can take whether we have MS or not. Thinking of you & wishing you well in trying to sort this out xx

Excuse me? - You’re selfish?! WTF?!

I moved house last year and it was exhuasting! It took me a whole month to do it bit by bit and relatives did the heavy furniture for me, I just moved the boxes of small stuff. My 19 year old moved all the boxes of books etc. It took every ounce of energy I had just taking lightweight boxes up and down stairs and that’s with everyone else helping as much as possible.

We then spent weeks gradually sorting things out in the new home as I was in no rush. I relapsed in March this year and I’m sure this was in no small part due to the very stressful year I had last year (bereavement, moving house and other stresses).

Go ahead and rant at us all you like and then I think you need to have a full on rant at OH. I used to bite my tongue with my son and try to ‘get on with it’ to protect him as much as possible from the effects of my MS. However, there are times when I snap and let him know just how much I want my old life back and would love to feel the way I used to and it doesn’t do him any harm. Sometimes it clears the air and it helps. Sometimes family can be selfish and the fact that our illness is invisible doesn’t help. If we had a bandage or a plaster cast on all the bits that hurt it would be so much easier for them to understand :frowning:

Take care

Tracey xx