As promised Polar Bear a giggle for all i hope now to set the scene i am a bloke bloke dont show emotions and was never getting married or having kids just me and my dog a proper typical bloke so anyways on new years eve just getting back from a lifeboat shout i wanted to get drunk anyhoos it resulted in me rproposing to my now wife and as time moved on the next minute i was expecting my son so being a man i never went to the preparing sessions nor did i meet the midwife bar once when i stated to her quite clearly i dont need to know as im not going to be there when he gets born as its your job not mine, so there i am at sea and just part way through shooting a net and my wife rings and says beep beep beep hes on his way , so i run a knife up through my brand new net and steamed for the harbour.
I get in jump onto the quay and runs to my van races up the road to my wife and the midwife giggling and the midwife saying its okay false alarm so i kiss my wife goodbye with assurances from the midwife hes not coming today and off back down the harnbour i go , get aboard my fishing boat with my crewmember saying sorry false alarm and off we steam the 4 miles back out to try and find the net stitch it together and keep shooting anyhows 1 hour later i find the net we stitch it together and start steaming and shooting the net finally we get the net shot and steam a further 3 miles and shoot the next 1 just as the last end goes over in the wheelhouse my phone starts ringing so i grab it and its the wife saying yet again get your beep beep home as hes beep beeping coming , so again i shove her hard ahead and race for the harbour saying to my crewmate at least the nets out dont worry it will be a false alarm , i get to the quay race home up the stairs to find the wife in full flow of labour and there i stand no midwife no idea of what to do in wellies full bright orange oilskins and full arm length gloves so like the movies i grab water and a towel while cursing the midwife who still isnt picking her phone up and then my son says hi dad and enters this world with me delivering him in my full fishing gear and gloves looking like a rabbit in a pair of headlights anyhoos i wrapped him up placed him on mum and stood there in disbeleif at what i had just done , midwife arrives i give her what for and race downstairs for a huge coffee and fag.
On the lifeboat i was then given the task of delivering any babies if ever we should get 1 , i dont mind saying i beeped myself for months after everytime the pager went off incase it was going be that , but yes i was mentally scared and it still bothers me today and even the therapist couldnt get the image out of my head…Not my son being born but my Mother Inlaw who was downstairs visiting at the time giving me a big kiss and hug thats whats gave me emotional scar’s
Hope you enjoyed my story and i hope it gave ssome of you a giggle , has it made me any different… no im still a typical bloke bloke who definatelly never eever wants to persue a career as a midwife
Have a great day folks and hope you enjoyed it Polar Bear x