Am I dumped? (or maybe not)

Caring for someone with MS
1

Hi!

I have been dating this lovely lady (45) since early July this year. We have written messages to each other several times a day, and I have slept over at hers 4 times the last month. I have felt we have extremely good connection and everything looked like we could become a couple.

However, 2 weeks ago, it became almost silent, and I didn´t receive any messages. Then one day, I received a mail where she stated that she really enjoyed my company, and wanted to be friend with me. Bit she didn´t have any romantic feelings for me.

Before this happened, I had an experience that have made me think a lot. During one of my stay-overs at hers, we went to the kitchen for some food. When I opened the fridge, I saw this box of medicines - Copaxone. I asked what it was, and she just said it was some medicines. I didn´t want to ask her more about this, because her medicines is not my business. However, when it all became silent, I started google this medicine, and the only indication I have seen for this product is MS. This lady have never told me that she has MS, but recently I received another mail from her where she said that she liked me a lot, wanted to be my good friend, and in addition wanted to meet me soon, because there was something she wanted to speak to me about.

I told her that we of course should meet and speak about “whatever”. My feeling is that she might tell me about having MS. But I could of course be wrong.

I have been reading a lot about MS the last few weeks, and know that its a very unpredictable disease that affects people very differently.

I cant stop thinking of this lady, but I don´t dare taking contact an reveal that I know what Copaxone is used for. That must be her choice if she wants to tell me.

I guess my question here really is: Could it be that she dumped me to protect me from her MS, or to protect her from the dissapointment that I would reject her? Is that common?

And by the way; If she actually have MS, that wouldn´t change any of my feelings towards her.
MS or no MS; she is still my dreamgirl!

And do you have any suggestions on how I should act? Of course there is a good chance that she just isn´t that into me. That I can accept, but I want her to know that if she has MS, I would still be there for her.

Could Copaxone be used for other diseases?

Thanks a lot for reading through this!

3

Agree with Val on this one.

You saw her medicine - she already knows this - and she knows it was accidental, not snooping or spying.

If everything’s so great, and you feel there’s such a connection, would she really mind you admitting that you looked up what the medicine was for?

Of course, her recent coolness may have nothing at all to do with the MS, and it may be that she genuinely doesn’t see things in the terms you do, and feels that you are “friend material”, but nothing more.

Yes, it does impact on life a lot, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that every decision we make is always explained by MS. Things could be as she says, but she still likes you and wants to keep you as a friend (though that might be rather cruel, if your feelings are obviously stronger).

Tina

4

You sound like a lovely guy. I hope you get the girl of your dreams and yes just say actually I was intrigued as to what you take your medication for and that is just because you care for her. If her ms doesn’t bother you as clearly it doesn’t then tell her that. When I was told I could have ms which isn’t diagnosed yet I gave my new partner the option of us being just friends if I was diagnosed as I felt I didn’t want to be a burden he is only 36 I’m 42. He was amazing and told me whatever happens we will face it together and that without me it would break his heart. I love him even more now he is my rock.

Be honest wear your heart on your sleeve get it of your chest

Let u know how you get on

Emma

5

What a lovely Man

If someone had taken the time to check what my medication was for to save me the embarrassment of having to explain that i had MS, i would be really impressed … there is a huge fear factor of how someone you like will react to hearing that you have a progressive disease that will eventually change both of your lives, i really really hope things work out for you both and please come back and tell how things are going

Jemma

6

Hi there and thanks for you replies!

I asked the lady out. We had a great walk in the nature for some 6 hours talking about everything.

And I had the guts to ask her the question if she had MS based on my experience (finding Copaxone in her fridge). Turns out she had MS. She never told me anything that this had been the reason she didnt wanna have me as boyfriend. I thought perhaps that she was stressed about telling me about her MS, and hence would rather let me go instead of risking being dumped by me. She also told me about how her MS affects her. And since I had read (and still trying to learn) quite much about MS, she explained quite detailed how it was for her. Turns out she (at the moment) have a mild disease (as far as I can understand). She has only had one attack, and that was more than 10 years ago. But as she explained, this can change any day.

Anyway, I told her that her disease didnt at all change my feelings. I love her for who she is - A great and beautiful woman that happens to have MS.

However, I cant say that Im much more clever now. We still have some contact, and its always by very nice messages, phonecalls. In a way our language towards each other would look like were partners. But we are not. I guess I have ended up in that “friendzone”. I have tried to downscale my contact with her. It is NOT because of her MS. Rather I hope it will work so that she can miss me a bit and hopefully it will end good.

No matter what happens, I will always respect her deeply, even though she dont have any romantic feelings towards me.

H

7

Yes, what a lovely guy you are indeed!

Whatever becomes of your relationship, you an rest assured you didnt handle it badly.

Maybe she is taking a bit of time to work out how she feels for you.

Dont give up just yet.

Fingers crossed you get together for real.

pollxx

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