Forum

Abuse in caring

I have been with my partner for 12 years and although he has cared for me in that time he wasn’t my official carer. He became my carer just over a year ago. I can walk with the help of aids and I can do things for myself he just took over on my bad days. Although we argue like every couple things came to a head a few days ago when he Had a few drinks one night ( we don’t normally drink) he came upstairs the morning after and just walked into the bedroom and snapped. He went crazy throwing me about slapping me and kicking my bad leg. I managed to get downstairs when he threw me on the floor and put a knife to my neck saying he was going to slice my jugular open. I knees him where the sun doesn’t shine and managed to get back upstairs, my 17 year old was at the top of the stairs and managed to help me get my partner out the house.

He has never been anything but perfect up to that day he has never hit me or abused me in any way and I don’t understand why he did what he did that day, does caring for someone cause so much distress that people can actually snap with the pressure???

Please help.

Get out of the relationship if hes done it once he will do it again. Even if hes says hes sorry and wont do it again I think it’s a dangerous situation to be in .

Hello Mina

There is never an excuse for that kind of physical abuse. If your partner is violent just once; you explain it away as stress and forgive him, he could do it again next time he has too much to drink.

Violence is always unforgivable. Serious violence such as you experienced could/should have been reported to police.

Theres no way that you can explain it and get past such abuse.

Sue

Dear Mina I’m so sorry to learn about what happened recently. From what you’ve written, you have had a good relationship with your partner for a long time, and that you were both under stress at this point. As this appears to have been a one-off, and that he was under the influence (unusually) of alcohol, I am wondering if you are both getting the support you need. I don’t know your circumstances, of course, but it seems that there could be some additional support that you could access, through NHS or Social Care sources. Can I suggest that you ring up the Helpline, and discuss your options? There are lots of good people there who could offer you help, information and support to relieve tensions. Take good care of yourself, and I hope you have managed to make up with your partner and talk through what happened.